Maybe You're Not Resentful, Maybe You're Grieving

On expectations, loss and the emotions we misname…

Have you ever stopped to ask whether what you're feeling is resentment or grief? They can feel similar, but they require very different questions.

Resentment often says, “this shouldn't have happened.” It looks for someone or something to blame.

Grief says, This isn't what I hoped for. This isn't what I expected.

It isn't always about what happened. It's about the future you imagined: the relationship you wanted, the family you envisioned, the career you thought you'd have, or just the version of life you believed would be yours.

Often, resentment is protecting grief. Anger can feel easier than sitting with the disappointment of what didn't become what you hoped for.

What would happen if, instead of asking, “Who's to blame?”, you asked:

• What am I grieving?

• What expectation am I holding onto?

Notice what changes when you name it honestly.

You don't have to label whether your feelings are good or bad. In fact, it's better not to, because labeling can create resistance.

What you are looking for is the truth.

Allow grief to be grief. Allow disappointment be disappointment.

From that space of allowing, you'll notice a shift. Things feel gentler, more real.

The more clearly you see what is there, the more honestly you can decide how you want to move forward.